Azkaban visit
by margo1985
Summary: Have you ever been to Azkaban? If not then you have the opportunity to listen to a story of the Death Eater, the witch, who was imprisoned in Azkaban for her crimes. The story is very Dark and contents a psychological terror.This is my first fanfic and En
1. Chapter 1

I remember the screams and flashes of lights. I think the screams I heard were mine, but it's difficult to tell now. All is passing away. I'm sitting in Azkaban and trying to summon my thoughts, the time is running slowly, it almost stopped. One minute in Azkaban is like an eternity. I think I'm getting mad, because I began to talk to myself and I don't think it's the wrong thing to do. All the other prisoners started like that, they tried to maintain the sanity by talking to themselves and now I can only hear screams. I have an urge to tell my story, my time is running and I know that the end is near. There is none here, who can listen, there is none who can understand. The other prisoners are mad or getting mad, which is almost the same thing, but the walls of Azkaban and Dementors have witnessed a lot of tragic stories. Mine will be just another piece in the picture of broken lives.

The was a time when I was free, I was a respected member of the wizarding world. No one would have believed if someone told them that I would end up in Azkaban, they would probably laugh. I had everything: money, looks, friends, another people's respect. What else should you wish for? However it wasn't enough for me, I deserved more then that. I didn't want another people's respect, I wanted them to fear me, I wanted power. I know that most of the people will call me crazy, but there were some, who understood me, who shared my ideas, believed in the same things as I and there was the One, who offered me all I wanted. I can remember that evening like it happened yesterday.

It was a rainy afternoon when a young wizard knocked on my door and when I opened it then it was the moment when I changed my life. The wizard was a good looking fellow, this was my first thought of him, but at the next moment I felt the aura of power, which surrounded him. I never heard about him before, but I knew he was born to be the first, he was a true leader, who knew how to control the others. His speech was short, he had no time for compliments or empty, unnecessary words. Tom Riddle (it was his name) offered me all I wished for, if I was willing to support him and serve him. I said yes without hesitating, after he finished the last sentence of his speech i hurried to agree, because I was afraid that he might change his mind. That offer was a opportunity of my life and even now in Azkaban I didn't regret saying yes that rainy evening.

You all must think that it was foolish, but his ideas were the same as mine and I still believe it was a chance of my life. I was encouraged, there was a chance for me to prove that I was superior, there was my chance to make all my wishes come true. I can't describe my state of mind the next few days after that agreement, I was exited, filled with joy and at the same time nervous and afraid. My head was full of questions: What if they won't accept me? What if I'm not worthy that honor? All these question popped into my head, I couldn't concentrate on work and was very grouchy. I lived in my own world of thoughts and no one was welcome into it. My colleges giggled they told me that I was in love. Those fools! They could never understand so great ideas, like that wizard described to me! From the other side they got it right. I was in love, I was in love with that style of life i was about to choose. It was an obsession, that burned me from the inside. i woke up in the morning, wondering when I can join the rows of Death Eaters and it was my last thought before I felt asleep.

When I got to the place I saw figures in black, they were gathered around THAT wizard. He stood in the center of the circle and it was his natural place, he was a ruler, he was the most powerful and the feared one! The initiation was pompous. And I was even a bit disappointed, now I think it happened because I was waiting for that moment to happen for too long. My Lord asked me to say the oath and I would never forget them: "I swear to serve Lord Voldemort. I will be his truthful follower and a loyal servant. I shall never disobey or doubt in his opinion, for his word is beyond any doubt. He is My Master and I'm now his loyal servant!" Then I got branded and the Dark mark adorned my arm. A lot of people said that the dark mark was awful, but they can't understand the feeling of having it on your arm! I never felt more proud then that day, because I was a part of something great and big. I felt the Dark Mark burning my skin and it was like it burned my whole being, my sole and mind!

Oh no, he is coming to me, he is getting closer. I can't continue the story, because he is on near my cell now. i feel his presence and I got that horrible sick feeling! Everytime he visits me I think that I failed when the aurors caught me,. i could have killed myself then i wouldn't have suffered this fate! The lights flashes in front of my eyes and I shout! It's like a chain, I begin to shout and the other prisoners join this horrible chore. He is getting close, he is coming...


	2. Chapter 2

He is coming closer and closer to my cell, I cry louder and louder and all the images of my failure go through my head. It is like a nightmare, the only difference is that I can't end it, I can't wake up and realize that it was only a bad dream. I'm not in safety, no one can be safe inside the walls of Azkaban, no one. We are locked here for the safety of the rest of the wizarding world, the others are trying to forget about our existence by throwing us out of society and locking in a safe place. How ironical that I use the same word "safe" in two different contexts.

He stops next to my cell and I feel how fear is overwhelming me, I hardly can breathe, my mind is empty and I shout louder and louder. I fall on the floor and try to crawl awayto the darkest corner as far away from him as possible. I know that it won't help, but I'm trying, I have to try, this is only one thing that prevents me from dying inside these walls. I try to look at him, if only I can see his face, maybe I'll feel better, no one really knows what he looks like. There are only few, who saw his face, it was the last thing, which they saw in their lives. So I guess it's a continuation of the nightmare, but I have a maniac, crazy wish to see him closer, maybe then I won't be so afraid when he comes. People are weak, we are afraid of unknown, the understanding and knowlegde can help me to win over that fear, if only I can look at him closer...

My mind is playing tricks on me, he makes me go insane, I have no control of my body and mind. I only see the worst moments of my life flashing in front of my eyes! I see my Master's death, there were two flashes of the green light, one was from Potter's wand and another was from Tom's. That boy was always so lucky, and this time the fortune smiled to him once more, he was a tiny split of the second faster, then the greatest wizard of all time, but it was enough. How ironically that the most fearful wizard died from the boy's hand. The picture changes: I see how aurors capture my fellow Death eaters, these men, who were like brothers to me, those who substituted my family, they died one by one, they fought bravely, but they had no chance, there were too many aurors around.

I can't stand those memories, at these moments I pray for death, I envy my fellow Death Eaters, who died in honor. Why should I suffer? That is unfair andI begin to cry, the tears run from my eyes, but this doesn't bring me peace. He stops and looks at me,I make him feel better, I'm his victim and there is nothing I can do about it.

The Dementor stands next to the bars, I notice that he spends longer time next at my cell with each visit. I have no idea why he does it, but he visits me more often and he stays longer every time. I'm afraid that he won't leave at all, he might stand here forever and feed on all my emotions. I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid of the creature, who stands so close. He never shows emotions, he doesn't know pity, he enjoys my suffer, but he never shows satisfaction either, he just leaves, when he got enough of my fear. For a moment I feel pity for him, not a soul knows or has idea where he came from. The dementor has no emotions, that's why he walks down Azkaban corridors, my suffering is his food, without feeding he will become weaker and die. This sounds absurd, how can I feel sorry for my guard? Maybe someone made him like this, maybe he was a human just like me, but then someone captured him and transformed into this monster. Maybe he always was like this and he suffers from being like that.

I'm going crazy, he won't leave me alone, now I hate that creature, why doesn't he show any emotions? I don't think that it can be something worse, then him silently witnessing and enjoying my pain. I try to get up, but fail. I'm weak, he is taking everything from me, very soon I'll be empty and then he'll leave me alone, becauseI won't be useful for him. He uses me, but when he comes along he keeps me company, what a crazy thought. I stopped thinking rational once Azkaban's door closed behind me. I changed and became a different person, when you spend some time inside here, you have to try to adapt to the things which surround you.

All the dementors look alike, but I know, I got the visit from the same dementor every time. It's Him and he is waiting for something. I try to stand up once more, there is no luck, I fall to my knees and try to crawl closer to the bars. I have to see him closer, I have to...

My nails scratch the stone of the floor and I'm moving closer to the door, and he looks at me, he waits for something and I don't know what it is. My hands bleed and blood is running on the floor, I lick the drops of the red liquid and continue to crawl. Now I'm close to the bars, I see the black material of his robes, I'm so close that I can almost touch it. I have to try to crawl a bit longer, but I feel sick, I'm very sick,I can almost sense that dementor smiles. He must be amused by me, that's why he likes to stand next to my cell, he must enjoy the showI do and I try my best to remain sane and human in his presence, butI fail, I always do. I failed when I couldn't save the Dark Lord from Potter, I failed when I saw my fellow Death Eaters die, I failed whenI got caught by the aurors and ended up in the place like this and finally I failed to remain sane and behave like a human. I'm like an animal, my mind is empty and right now the only things, which affects me,are my fear and instinct. My fear is caused by him and my instinct tells me to try to reach him.

Suddenly I feel even worse, I scratch my hands and the blood runs on the floor,I put my fingerson my face and this leaves a road of red stripes on my checks. I think he is laughing,I feel it, I sense it,I know it.I have to touch him, but he slightly glides to the side and I only catch air instead of his clothes. He glides away down the corridor and I lay on the floor in blood and foam from my mouth. The last thing I saw is a piece of his black robes, as he glides away. If only I can get closer to him, if onlyI can see his face, if only I can touch him!

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artistic-soul24thanks so much for the review and for adding me and my story to your favourites! It means a lot to me. Actually English is my second language, but thanks for prizing it. I'll be sure to remember to update this story frequently. 


	3. Chapter 3

I awaked on the floor, my head hearts and I see blood from my fingers. This is how I awake after he keeps me company. I have to go on, I have to continue my story, because I need to feel sane and talking is the only way to remain having a clear mind.

I joined the ranks of Death Eaters and began my service, this was the time of my glory, that was when I understood what the real life meant. Before I met Tom, my life was boring, I knew what would happen the next day and the day after, everything was planned for month forward. All this changed, I got a note about a new mission two days before it and all my plans were ruined, that's why I stopped planning. I liked this way of life, it was chaotic, it gave that adrenaline which I needed. My first mission completely changed me, I became a new person, much better and much more powerful, I never regretted my past and my deeds, what's done is done. When I joined, Tom gave me a new mission, he wanted to test me and give me some time to practice my skills. He ordered me to kill a muggle family, whose son went to Hogwarts. This was the turning place of my life, these people were the first whom I killed, after them there were many, but I only remember the first ones.

It is only difficult to shout Avada Kedavra the first time, your conscious tries to convince you not to do it, but if you can cross the line then it is going to be easy. I killed many muggles, mudbloods, wizards and aurors, but I can't remember their faces, they all look alike for me, I see no difference between all these people, it was important to kill them, so I did it and enjoyed it.

I had to do the mission alone by myself, those muggles were alone in the house, there were no aurors around, so I didn't see a problem. I was excited and pale, my ministry colleagues thought that I was sick and they asked me if I wanted to go home. I apparated home and went from one corner of the room to another, I had a fever and was freezing, the world was spinning around me and I felt dizzy. I tried to sleep, but was too excited for that, different thoughts flied in my head and I couldn't concentrate on a single one, so I rested on the bed and looked at the ceiling. When three Death Eaters apparated into my house I jumped startled and drew out my wand. They laughed and said that I was too nervous, it was nothing to worry about and things like that. I couldn't understand what they were saying, simply because I didn't understand the meaning of the words they were using. I just nodded blankly and followed after them. We apparated in front of the big house in the east end of the city, the house looked nice with all the flower pots around it. I can't describe the colour of the house or in what style it was built, but I still remember the pots with plants, this is weird how my memory plays tricks with me. The other Death Eaters said that I had to proceed alone, they kept watch at the door, but I had to kill my first victims alone. I used alohomora at the door and slightly opened it, I saw a small cozy entrance with a soft carpet on the floor. All my senses sharpened and my foot steps sounded very loud in my ears. The corridor seemed so long, but it in fact it was only a half meter. At the end of it I saw light and knew that when I reach the light I have to kill. These muggles will be the first, whom I'm going to kill, they will have that great honor to serve for my fame.

I came closer and closer to the light, suddenly I was almost stupefied, I couldn't move, because my legs seemed so heavy and my entire body began to shake. The light was very close and I had only a couple of minutes before I should kill the people in the room. It was too late to turn around and run, but I had no strength to continue. I just stood there and looked at the wall. I noticed all the small cracks in the wall and a spider web in the corner close to the ceiling, I saw a plant lief on the floor. The lief lied on the floor for a couple of days and it almost dried, my entire being concentrated on that lief like my life depended on it. That moment was the most hard in my life, at that moment I should have decide what to do, if I was going to proceed, then it meant killing the innocent people. I felt crazy, because the half of me tried to convince me to leave and the other part ordered me to go on. It wasn't so easy to kill as I thought before. The first killing is the most difficult one, it only matters once, after you cross the line, you can kill thousands of people without any doubt.

My rational part told me that there was no way back, I couldn't turn my back on Tom and the others, it was too late to change the things, besides I wanted people to fear me and my wish was about to complete.

This was a moment that changed my life completely, after that moment I stopped being my old self and got a new identity, I opened the way for my inner demons. It was the moment when I stepped on the new road, the road of the new life where an old me died and I was reborn. A new me, who was cruel and ruthless, after that evening I knew no mercy, I laughed when my victims cried in agony and smiled at the words of Avada Kedavra. My new me was about to be born and an old one was on the way to die. I lifted my foot, it felt so heavy and a part of me shouted trying to prevent what was about to happen. I didn't listen, I didn't care, the new life lied just around the corner in that light room, and the light showed me the path, which I wanted to follow. I made a short, little step, the step that changed my life.

It took me ages to make the decision, but after that all happened with an incredible speed. I saw a man and a woman sitting on the sofa, I lifted my wand and shouted Avada and the man felt on the floor. The woman looked at me with horror, she mumbled something. I couldn't understand the meaning of the words, my blood rushed through my head and I heard how it ran in my ears, my heart was about to explode and my clothes were wet because of the sweat.

The woman tried to say something to me, she opened her mouth, but I didn't hear the words, I felt that I hated her. I wanted to make her suffer, I wanted her to lie on the ground and cry in pain, twist in agony. I didn't realize when I managed to point the wand at her and before I could think of it, I said Crucio. She felt on the floor and twisted in agony, her eyes were fool of fear and suffering, I achieved my goal, that muggle woman was afraid of me. I had a power of controlling lives, I felt like God, I could give her a couple of minutes to live or jut kill her immediately. Those, who can play with human lives, have a great power and then when her screams got even lauder then before I laughed. It was a maniacal insane laugh and my face was scary at that moment, I enjoyed pane and I fed on that woman's suffering, just like the dementor in Azkaban. I lifted the curse and looked at the woman on the floor, she whispered "mercy". I laughed once again and she shivered. Then I came closer to her, bend down and looked into her eyes. She was afraid, she was struck with horror, she was a victum and I was a hunter. Her fate lied in my hands, I could have spared her miserable life, but I only smiled instead and her face got an even more scared expression. I have no mercy. This is what I told her and killed her, at that point I died and reborn to a new life. At that point I became a real Death Eater, who has no mercy and no fear, power and fame are the only things that matter. After that point I didn't regret anything and it was what I said at the court. I didn't regret anything, because they all deserved no better fate then Death, I was so honorable to give it to them. I cast a Dark mark above the house, I never felt so proud, when my fellow Death eaters congratulated me. The new me was celebrating, while some place deep inside me and old me quietly cried and became weaker with every second.


End file.
